Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Grand Moff Frozen

Yesterday, we staged our attack on Hoth.  Grand Moff Tarkin started out leading things splendidly.  We blew up their Snowcone Station which I can tell you gave us supreme satisfaction.  We then began proceeding toward their main generator.  If we could blow that up, they wouldn't have any power.  No lights, no intercom, and no heater unit!  This would clinch the battle and we would control the snowcone treasure trove of the galaxy.  But unfortunately, we never made it as far as the generator.  We had two AT-ATs.  I was in the second one as a back up trooper.  Grand Moff was in the one ahead of us.  As we were waddling along, suddenly, the first AT-AT began to disappear.  I mean, it started falling downward!  Everybody stopped and looked down.  It seemed that the rebels had dug a basin in the snow and filled it with water which, in time had developed a thin layer of ice.  The AT-AT (which is not one of those vehicles known for being lightweight) had shot down into that lake of iced water.  When we finally dragged it out, Grand Moff Tarkin and all his crew had been frozen stiff.  Naturally we had to go back to the Death Star.  Grand Moff Tarkin has a cold and I wish his room wasn't next door to mine.  He kept me up all night last night sneezing.  Today, we Storm Troopers are going to have quite a job thawing out the AT-AT with hair driers. 

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Start Building Those Snowshoes!

This is good.  Darth Sidious is in a better mood today since he has been spending some quality time in his evil lair.  After 23.5 hours in there, he came up with what he calls a "brilliant plan of the greatest mastermind."
He held a briefing for all the storm troopers in the death star.  Under the leadership of Grand Moff Tarkin, we are to attack and take over the rebel base on Hoth.  This is quite an undertaking because we have to build snowshoes for our AT-AT's before we go and goodness knows that's a job!  Also, the rebels always manage to hold us off when there at Hoth.
Some may wonder why we attack Hoth instead of some easier planet.  The reason is that Darth Sidious has been having hankerings for snowcones lately and everyone in the galaxy knows the best snowcones come from Hoth!  If he takes it over, we can eat our fill!  Also, Darth Sidious will be in a better mood once he controls it.  Right now, the rebel scum (okay okay, I didn't come up with that phrase) has exclusive access to Hoth and is probably getting fat on those snowcones.  Anyways, this looks like it will be worthwhile!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Addictive Games

Remember I told you that Darth Sidious bought wi-fi for the death star?  Well, we have been having some issues with it.  Darth Vader found out that since wi-fi is so much faster than dial-up, he can play Moisture Farmville on Maskbook.  He is...ah, severely addicted.  There are certain things on that game that you can only buy with scrips.  The result is that Darth Sidious's credit card is maxed out.  After he sent Darth Vader to the corner, he was on the RAMPAGE and nothing we could do would please him.  I couldn't wash enough dishes to make him happy!
On the plus side, Darth Vader's moisture farm is really up and running!  He's got the biggest one on Maskbook!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Hello all.  I have decided to start a blog since Darth Sidious finally broke down and paid for wi-fi on the death star.  Yes, he's cheap, but after a long petition, we finally got him to order it online (which was kinda difficult since we only had dial up.)  Now I can play computer games online and chat with my Storm Trooper friends on Maskbook.
Yes.  Life is good.
I guess I should give a little background.  I'm part of the Guard Squadron.  This is the group of storm troopers that make sure that everything is not being attacked by Rebels (really.)  We also wash windows and clean Darth Sidious's bathroom, but when he's not looking we just lounge around.  Actually, I got into trouble for lounging around last week.  I was talking with Storm Trooper 322 and I leaned on the wall...at least, I thought it was the wall.  It turned out to be the button that fires the big laser gun that we have mounted on the death star.  You know, the one that can blow up a whole planet?  Well...it um, blasted a ship with a cargo of dish washers that were going to replace our old ones.  So Darth Sidious has put me in charge of KP until some new dishwashers get here.  Actually, I have some dishes to do...I'll talk to you guys later.